when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize