I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
