did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
