Redeem this text for a blowjob
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
