I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
