I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
