Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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