...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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