Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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