I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
