My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
