No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
