i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
