Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
