my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
