An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
