You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize