i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i will never coherently bang her
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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