there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
