dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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