I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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