You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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