I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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