Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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