Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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