Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
