How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
