I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
