Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
