look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
