When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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