you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
