Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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