M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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