Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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