we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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