You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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