I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
