my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
love makes seman taste better
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize