Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
