So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
