Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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