Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
