Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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