So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize