You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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