We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
