im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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