I cannot find my penis.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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