I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Bring me that man meat
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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