How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize