ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
