just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize