last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
