it's like iHOP with fire
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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