I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
