sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Drunk is not a location!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
