i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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