apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
