I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
