She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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