It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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