I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize