$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
