He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
