I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
