She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
