So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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