Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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