i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
