As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
