Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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