time to smoke my breakfast
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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